Kittywfz

Random = Mae West =

Churpchurp!!

It's like your whole world's crushing down but your friends are there with you.




I am incapable of loving you the way you deserve to be. I will not reach out my hand when I see your sadness. I would much rather watch you wage your battles with life and admire your personal strength. I’ve always advised to trust very little of me, but you can trust that I will watch closely. My love for you is unlimited at a distance. Who else would immortalize you this way? Each and every one of you stay with me. The people you were, the ones you are now, those you’ll be in the future. I keep it all. 
Any little thing could set me off at this point. I’m a mess. An emotional monster. I cannot control these waves of self-pity and hatred for everyone that does not love me as much as I want them to. Deep down I just want to be someones everything, and with each passing day I see the chances of that getting slimmer and slimmer.





You always take, take, take. It’s seldom that you should offer something in return. Whenever you do, though, I feel an eruption of happiness which I cannot control. And then I decline your offer, hoping perhaps that you’ll see the sacrifice I’m making.
Just remember that I love you. It doesn’t fix the now and it won’t magically change the future either. But it is what it is, and it’s something you can count on. We’ll be okay some day, you and me. If others believe in something as unlikely as a God, then why shouldn’t we be allowed to believe something so small as the thought of us being okay in some far and distant future? 
 Loving him is hard to regret, losing him is hard to accept, but even with all the hurt I've felt, letting him go is the most painful. I wish he could be happy instead ,there's nothing else I can do then love him the best I can . All those sleepness nights, all those never ending dreams, all those love, all those tears. I can't do my papers. We don't have mutual understanding, mutual trust . 



I should have pretended to go to school the next day as if everything was okay, and not come home. I could’ve killed myself without them ever knowing. Kill myself. Commit suicide. Jump off this building and have my brains splattered all over the pavement. I just couldn’t stand this anymore. I just wanted to get it over with already. He broke his promises. History repeated itself again. I thought that he cares for me the way I cared for him . But I was under the wrong impression....There was one thing I did know. I couldn’t do it. I just couldn’t kill myself and cause them pain. I realized that I was willing to live a life of total misery as long as it meant that my grandparents could be happy. And in that moment I realized that I wasn’t worthless at all. No matter how damaged and screwed up I was; no matter how many awful mistakes I’d made.. 

I rlly wished I had someone that I loved curled up beside me when i sleep. I wished for him to be passionate, loving and caring...

A night where I put my music player on shuffle and it happens to play our song.. Before I know it, that song is on instant replay and I’m right back there again. You. Me. Us. The fun times. The good times. The great times. The not-so-good times. The bad times. The awful times. The break up. The aftermath. The getting back together. The breaking up again. The pain. The pain. The pain. 





The way I feel about you.
The reasons for everything that I do.
The explanation behind my irrational state of mind.
The pain.
The confusion.
The frustration.
The secrets I keep.
The ones I wish you’d find out about.
On your own.
It’s right here.
It’s on these pages.
It’s all for you.
Maybe then you’ll read it.
Maybe then you’ll understand.

I fell for you. I fell for you when I knew that I shouldn’t have; when I knew it was a stupid thing to do. I thought of only you and I dreamed of our eternal future together. I lapped up your lies, and let them keep me warm at night. I walked around like a zombie, totally caught up in thoughts of you. Not that you’d listen. Not that you’d read this. Not that you’d care. I guess I wish I could let you see me now, sitting here in the center of my chair with dried up tear stains all over my face. They’re yours. They belong to no one else. I wish you could see me staring emptily at my computer screen as I realize how worthless I really am how stupid I had been to get myself into this mess. I want you to see all this, because maybe then you’d say something. Please. Say something, anything. Please cushion this blow… But you aren’t saying anything. And you won’t.



No one will ever understand me. Not the real me, anyway. It’s a bitter truth that I have to face every day, and I really wish I knew how to escape it. I really wish things were different. 








 I don’t know how you managed to snap me out of my pathetic spiral of self-indulgence, but you did. I’m sure I took it as a slap across the face at first, but in the long run it’s what saved me from myself and gave me perspective on life yeah..repeating this to myself "i'll double fuck the fuckyou in your face" . 
Just go ahead. 


<< Older ? Newer>>