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Kittywfz

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= Mae West =

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Sometimes we have to let go of certain people in our lives because we’re going through something they won’t understand.

Thursday, November 8, 2012|0 note(s)

Ranting my thoughts today.

Sometimes we have to let go of certain people in our lives because we’re going through something they won’t understand. I recently had to do this, it wasn’t the easiest thing. But I knew it would probably be the best, I didn’t want to give this person I care about more weight on their shoulders then what they actually need. But it’s really and truly hard when that one person understood you, and believed in you and made you feel like you were worth something. Whenever you were having down days, they always found the right words to make you feel better. They always encouraged you to keep going and never give up because they knew you were good enough. But when you remove someone like that out of your life, it really does get hard. Don’t get me wrong we both had to work on things. I’m not perfect, neither were you. But sometimes I have to come back to it and think if I made the right decision. At times I feel like “yes, yes I did things are easier now.” but a lot of the other time it’s ” no, i miss you, i want to do this with you, i wish i could tell you this.” I still can’t tell if I made a mistake, or if I did the right thing but I guess only time can tell right ? Just sometimes all the things they said to me out of anger, seemed to have come true which makes me try to rethink myself as a person. I never wanted to seem like I knew better, or even a bitch. I was just confused and scared, lost and broken. No one understood me at that point, I didn’t even understand ~~me.~~

I’m going fucking insane. I was doing so well to ignore you, I was doing so well to keep the hurting away. It’s all just come pouring out, like this emotional stupid waterfall that I can’t fucking stop. I didn’t realise how fucking bad I missed you. I didn’t realise how fucking bad I need you. I didn’t realise how fucking much I love you and it’s not going away. This pain is so raw. Its so fresh. Its like a knife has been stabbed into me and its just twisting and twisting. I love you so, so much, like you wouldn’t understand and it was made so clear that you walked away from me. I feel empty. I feel sick. I feel lost. I feel hopeless. I feel cold. My chest aches. I have this heavy weight on my shoulders that’s dragging me down so bad. I can’t sleep in the night. I can’t breathe. Its suffocating. I’m gasping for breath thinking over how you’re not mine anymore.. I’m not yours. I’ll be fine, but then I’m in agony and my eyes will tear up. Its becoming so unbearable. I’ve not eaten since you left, I feel so fat and ugly. I understand now, why you left, and I don’t blame you. I thought I could do this, I thought I could move on. My bed is so uninviting and cold and empty without you in it. I miss your beautiful dark-brown eyes. I miss your messy red hair. I miss the feel of your arms around me. I miss your laugh. I fucking miss your smile, it was perfect, it would just make your whole face light up. I miss the way we just fit perfectly together, the way my head would rest on your chest, with your arm wrapped tightly around me. Its going to be so hard to stop loving you. Its going to be so hard to cut you out of my life. I had no time, no chance to explain. When you walked away, & returned me my money. My world came crashing down, i didn't speak. I didn't even say bye. I didn't tear. I was tearing apart, my mind blank. I was totally worn out, totally lost. Whywhywhy.. Why didn't i hold you back before you walked away and explain everything to you so that you could understand me? But, what if i explain everything to you and you still left?
You know that feeling? That hollow feeling. It's like as if you're stoned there at that place, & then someone walks away. & what you want to do most is to walk, run away & have a peace of mind. Run away from everything. When that person whom you thought would listened to you, your problems. Even if they were stupid, dramatic or not. They'll still stay. Even if it hurts them, they'll still stay.
I know, even though you promised me you'll never leave. You'll still leave. I get it.
People come as they want and go as they want isn't it? They say mean things when they're angry.. They break their promises when their angry.

I dont know what to do anymore. Im going insane. Im going insane. Im going insane.

When you were afraid of losing someone who was so important to you and who you considered to be the most one. It was kinda hard to do anything. You wanted to do everything to keep them but you ended up crying in front of them and you realized that person called you 'trying to gain sympathy' 'bitch' 'slut'.

And you were standing there, not knowing to do anything.. Except trying to accept the fact that, he had already left.

............ I miss you even thou it's just a few hours.

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